Donna Vinegar

Hi, I’m Dr. Donna Vinegar

I help wives feel heard and husbands feel seen.

Most of the couples I work with aren’t on the edge of divorce. They love each other. They’ve built a life together. If you asked either of them, they’d say there’s a lot that’s good.

But something isn’t working the way it should.

The same arguments keep coming back. Conversations that start small end up somewhere neither of you meant to go. One of you feels lonely in the marriage, and the other feels like nothing they do is quite right.

That’s the space where I do my work.

For Husbands

You love your wife. You want this to work. You just don’t always know what she’s asking for, or what you’re supposed to do differently.

Maybe you get defensive when she says she’s hurt, even though you don’t mean to. Maybe you try to fix things and it somehow makes them worse. Maybe you’ve started pulling back because it feels like you can’t get it right anyway.

None of that makes you a bad husband. It usually means there’s something you haven’t been taught yet.

I’m not here to shame you. I’m here to help you understand what’s going on underneath the conflict and give you practical tools you can actually use.

For Wives

You know he’s a good man. You know he loves you. You might even say, “He’s a really good husband. I just wish he would…”

Maybe you’ve explained what you need more times than you can count. Maybe you feel unheard, or alone in the conversations that matter most to you.

You don’t want a different husband. You want to feel connected to the one you have.

How I Work

Most couples I see go through a structured process I designed so each of you gets real attention, together and on your own.

1. We start together.
Your first session is a longer one, about 1 to 2 hours, depending on your intake questionnaire and what you’re hoping for. I’ll get to know you as a couple: what’s working, what keeps getting stuck, and what you each want to feel more of.

2. Then I meet with the husband on his own (about 4 sessions).
This is where he gets space to talk freely, without worrying about saying the wrong thing in front of his wife. We look at what’s happening underneath the defensiveness, the shutting down, or the feeling that he can’t get it right, and we build practical tools he can use right away.

3. Then I meet with the wife on her own (about 4 sessions).
She gets the same space: to be fully heard, to sort out what she needs, and to understand what’s been happening on his side, too.

4. Then we come back together.
With both of you better understood and better equipped, we put it into practice: new ways of talking, listening, repairing, and connecting that you can carry into everyday life.

Not every couple needs the full process. If a husband wants to work with me on his own, I’m glad to do that. If you’d rather do traditional couples therapy, with the two of you together every session, that works too. We’ll figure out what fits during your intro call.

A Little About Me

PhD, LCPC, Counselor Educator and Supervisor, and 11 years in practice. Trained in the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy. I see clients in Illinois through Encourage Counseling virtually.

I believe strong marriages make strong families. Strong families make strong communities. Strong communities make strong cities, strong cities make strong states, and strong states make a stronger nation.

I’m just here to do my part.

Ready to Start?

If you’ve been thinking “we’re good, but we could be better,” that’s enough of a reason to reach out.